#this is a fucking payment service it’s not supposed to be a social media platform. and yet here i am still tipsy scrolling through my ex’s

[camgoloud]

a thing you absolutely should not do is get drunk on a sunday night and then accidentally end up stalking your ex situationship on venmo because you opened the app to pay your friend back for the uber home and got distracted by the homepage. just by the way

[see-arcane]

I am so goddamn tired.

Okay.

The Vampyres final draft is done. I’m holding off on finalizing a front, back, and spine design until I land on a good self-publishing venue so I can work with whatever format they have. ISBNs for paperback and eBook to follow. This is as far as I’ve come after an endless Promethean torture loop of:

1. Trying to comb for a self-publication option that isn’t rife with reviews listing the myriad ways authors have been fucked over by said sites’ handling and/or don’t have a mountain of user warnings about royalty-sponging and bloated service fees.

2. Dragging my brain over broken glass as every advice site yammers about the Necessity of Getting a Domain Name [$], for your Author Site [$$$], Emailing Lists, Social Media Platforming, Selling Your Brand, Befriending Fellow Authors/People in Publishing for the Sole Purpose of Social Network Ladder-Climbing, Begging for Reviews, Providing Content, Content, and More Content to Keep Your Relevance Buzzing and Your SEO Optimized!!1!

3. Marinating in the requisite mire of self-doubts and dire certainties that this whole thing is a money sink and a waste of time because for all the well-meaning encouragement from folks on and offline for me to ~*~Go For It!~*~, I’m struggling to believe that anyone will bother to drop cash for a copy of this skinny little 100+ page thing, physical, virtual or otherwise.

Rinse and repeat for weeks.

All the while I just want to have the thing done. Scraped off my hands and free to go to a shelf or a screen, maybe to get a few bucks without being gutted, so I can get back to actually making stuff. I don’t have any delusions about becoming a Big Name Author. Even those who consistently conquer the bestseller lists are rarely diving Scrooge McDuck-style into their royalty payment vault. This is just something I’ve been wanting to do. A way to get my feet wet for if/when I pen other books to fling into the world like literary frisbees. But everywhere I look, every option, every supposed requirement for doing this right, feels like handling a ball of rusty nails and razors. It’s like there’s no version of doing this that isn’t designed to take more than I or a reader-in-potentia can give.

So, you know. Sorry for the wait on this.

I’m off to ram my head into a brick wall for a while.

It’ll feel like I’ve accomplished something before I return to the slog.

[philanddanxreader]

Two cute neighbours.

Hello, love bugs!! Dan x reader Warnings-fluff, kisses. Also, swears because Dan

1887 words yo, Its a long one.

hi !! i love your writing soooo I was wondering if u could do a dan x reader where the reader moves in next door to dan n Phil n the reader has an emotional support dog (preferably a mini chocolate lab) n dan n Phil loooooove the dog n it’s cute n fluffy !! then it time skips to when dan n the reader are dating n the reader tells dan why they have the support dog (anxiety n panic attacks) n dan is supportive n its just cuuuuuuuuuuttttteeee –anonymous

“Dan!” Phil practically screams as he runs up the stairs.

“What, are you okay?” Dan says jumping from his couch crease to make sure poor Philly isn’t to hurt.

“We have the two cutest new neighbors ever!” Phil announces. Coming face to face with Dan on the landing.

“Phil!” Dan moans putting extra emphasis on his part. “I thought that fucking aliens were outside. Christ!” Dan says walking back into the living room.

“But Dan you don’t understand,” Phil says smiling. “One is possibly the prettiest girl I have ever seen. The other is the prettiest brown lab I have ever seen.” Phil recounts as he moves into the living room staring down at Dan trying to make a point.

 "Prettiest girl ever?“ Dan questions as Phil nods his head in agreement. “Well, I suppose we should be gentlemen and go see if the two of them need help moving in,” Dan says closing his laptop.

 “Exactly! Phil agrees nodding his head. "It’s the right thing to do.” Both boys do a quick fringe check before heading down towards the new tenets in the building.

As the boys head down the stairs it was pretty easy to spot the new neighbors. The beautiful new puppy neighbor was sitting in the hall never far from his owner. You could tell that the pup was over the whole moving thing and just wanted his bed and toys to be unpacked already. The boys could hear the faint sound of a female voice talking to themselves. Phil decided to make the first move. "Hello?” Phil says knocking on the half-open door. This peaked the interest of the dog who decided to go his owner and make sure everything was all right.

“Hello?” Came your soft voice from up the small flight of stairs. 

“Hi, my name is Dan and this is my roommate Phil. We are your new neighbors.” Dan has his signature smile on his face, making you feel instantly welcomed. 

“Hello, I mean, Ugh. My name is y/n.” stupid nerves. Two cuties come to your door to introduce themselves and not only that but the boys are non other than Dan Howell and Phil Lester. Stupid, god they probably already think your some sort of freak who can’t even introduce themselves properly.

Thankfully Phil interrupts the train of self-deprecating thoughts with a question. “Can I pet your dog? I know he’s working and all but if I could even give him a little pat.” How adorable. The only difference between Phil and a child asking for permission is that Phil isn’t bouncing from one foot to the other waiting for your answer.

“Absolutely! It’s about time he comes over and introduces himself. Hey.” You pause looking at the pup who was so over this whole moving into a new place thing. “ Finnegan, You’re making me look like a bad dog mummy. Come here and say hello.” This seemed to be enough encouragement to come over and meet the new friends. “Sorry, he is so used to people from when I was in school he just finds everyone a bit dull. I’m not saying the two of you are dull. Oh god.” Your cheeks instantly flush. 

“It’s fine we understand,” Dan says giving you another reassuring smile. Thank the stars above that the two of them understand awkwardness.

Phil was instantly kneeling by Finnegan giving him a ton of love.”

“Looks like you have a new friend Phil.” Dan was also reaching for the dogs head for a small pet. Phil, of course, missed the comment because he was honestly to involved with literally hugging the soft brown pup. 

“Well, I’m glad he likes you. To be honest he sometimes doesn’t like men.” Could you be weirder? Just smile and wave.

“We are too!” Phil says muffled into fur. “We did come here to see if you needed any help moving in.” Finally, Phil stands up towering over you once again.

“Actually I do need help with my dresser. You don’t mind, right?”

“Not at all. let’s see what we can do. With that, the three of you managed to get all the big furniture pieces into their new home.

After about an hour of moving it was decided that everyone should take a small break. 

“I honestly can’t thank you guys enough. I owe you both so please let me buy you some pizza and drinks as a small payment of my gratitude.” You had all been sitting in your mix matched living room relaxing while just hanging out.

“I don’t think I’m against a slice or two,” Phil says thinking about just mentioned food. 

“I am also in. Do you want to come over to our place? We have plates that are unpacked. Plus we can do the dishes so you don’t have to worry about more cleaning after just moving in.” Dan is the literal sweetest. 

“I think we can arrange that.” You have the greatest new neighbors ever. 

The evening was absolutely wonderful. You honestly had for once in a very long time didn’t feel any worry. You felt like a free person who didn’t have to worry about being judged or unwanted. This became your new regular. Every chance you had your and  Finnegan were over at your neighbor’s flat.

Dan and yourself had started to become inseparable. Over the month of hanging out you had both learned so much about each other. If the two of you weren’t together you were talking on every media platform. Twitter was the place that you sent each other funny meme’s Snap chat was the absolute ugliest photos of each other. Both of you had screenshotted enough incriminating evidence to ruin each other street cred. Texts were different. When the two of you were together in person you talked but never about deep or really personal things. Texts seem to be the exception to the rule. Many nights we used in the early hours of the morning talking about your younger years, wishes, and hopes for the future. Dan was quickly becoming your best friend. Between you and Finnegan you were possibly gaining a crush on said best friend. Good thing your pup is a great secret keeper. 

Just as you were thinking about the fun evening the two of you had last night playing video games you, the phone went off with a call from Dan.

“Moshi Moshi!” How do you not help but smile when answering a call from him.

“Well hello, I’m glad to hear that your sound happy. I have a question to ask you.” A short pause. What could Dan possibly have to ask you?

“Good thing I have answers.” Your heart had started to race slightly. Hopefully, Dan wouldn’t pick up on your nerves.

“I Daniel James Howell Want to ask you Y/F/N Y/M/N Y/L/N to go on an official date with me. Before you answer just know that if you say no my heart will not be broken. I still want to be friends for the sake of Phil and Finnegan’s relationship.” 

“You are too fucking adorable. Yes, absolutely yes I will go on a date with you. My turn to ask a question. Why didn’t you ask me last night?”

“I was about to. I honestly had planned for it but I felt a little nervous and decided that I would ask you while you’re at work so if you say no I have enough time to move you back out of the building.” This makes you giggle like a little kid. Stupid butterflies start to flutter throughout your body.

“Good thing I said yes then.” Dan’s turn to now smile at your words.

“ I will pick up my two dates say 7:00 pm sharp?

“Yes. We will be ready for you then. See you soon Dan.”

“See you soon.”

The evening was wonderful. A delicious meal mixed with wonderful company. After dinner, you had found a park to stroll through enjoying the warm evening breeze. After a couple laps around the pond, it was time to sit on a bench and talk.

“So tell me how you end up getting a service dog. Are they trained in a specialty or to the owner?” You had told dan that you had gotten Finnegan because you were prone to blackouts. You had told him only have the truth. 

“When I was seventeen my family started to look for a service dog for me. I started to have sever panic attacks while in public. I have generalized anxiety but also for sure have social anxiety. It happened my whole life every so often. After an incident, it all started to get worse. They would get so bad that I would end up blacking out and hitting the floor. I would be fine one minute and than another, I would instantly lose concesness. So we started the hunt. I needed a dog to alert myself and others that I was having a panic attack because when they happen I become non-verbal. Next, we needed to look for a dog who could help with relieving anxiety. After that, it was all about narrowing it down. Finnegan was trained to help people who pass out but he needed training in how to help calm down my anxieties. He also needed to learn the signs of one coming on. After his training we met and it was an instant bond. I guess the rest is history. We went to university together, graduated then decided to move here to London.”

“I’m sorry I never knew all of that.” Suddenly your hand was wrapped into his, the warmth feeling lovely. 

“It’s ok, I don’t really tell a lot of people. Listen this is kinda forward of me, and I never do this but I really like you.” Your words were cut off by Dan’s lips. They were soft and warm just like his personality. There was no safer place in the world right now then there was with Dan. You were the first to pull away, not because you wanted the kiss to end but rather because you needed to catch your breath.

“Kiss me again.” you say wrapping your arms around the back of Dan’s neck.

“How about we go home and kiss not in the bug infested cold night.” 

“Deal.” you say placing one more soft kiss to him.”